Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
Randomize
