You really coming over, don't trick.
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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