I haven't been this sober since birth.
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
Randomize
