Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
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