well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
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