i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
Randomize
