Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
Randomize
