I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
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