Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
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