she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
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