Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
Randomize
