I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
Randomize
