don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
Randomize
