paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
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