Can Purell be used as lube?
i was looking up hair salons in ithaca for the wedding and one is a hair salon/ sake bar! you can have sake or champagne while you get your hair done!
question, how would one sake-bomb while getting hair done without getting a horrible haircut?
so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
Randomize
