You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
Randomize
