Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
Randomize
