chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
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