you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
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