Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
Randomize
