Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
Randomize
