Classy? Dude, she fucked 3 guys as part of a scavenger hunt
And?
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
Randomize
