I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
week 6 of class: i have yet to go to spanish sober. i love being THAT girl.
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
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