Pride was great cause we really can now appreciate how far we've come as gay people!
Doll, if you're still fucking strangers behind the WeHo Sonic while high on E then we've come as far as 2003...
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
Randomize
