She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
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