the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
Randomize
