She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
Randomize
