I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
Randomize
