Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
Randomize