i permit you to call me
people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
Randomize
