don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
Randomize
