Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
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