i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
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