The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
Randomize
