Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
That was before I lit my hair on fire
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