Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
Randomize
