Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
i will never coherently bang her
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
I could fuck to npr.
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
Randomize
