And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
Randomize
