dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
Randomize
