we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
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