Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
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