I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
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