i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
Randomize
