We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
Randomize
