Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
He literally asked permission to hit on me
Randomize
