No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
Randomize
