im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
Randomize
