I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
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