I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
Green mimosas i think yes
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
Randomize
