I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
Randomize
