i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
Randomize
