Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
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