i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Randomize
