I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
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Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
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