can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
Randomize
