you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
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