the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
Randomize
