im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
Randomize
